The good news is: for the most part, this Christmas has not been as emotionally horrific as Christmases past.

The bad news is: my mother hates my boyfriend.

The upside of that is: My sister actually had some good things to say and good advice. And while she thinks he's quirky, (which he is....) she likes him and thinks him to be a good addition to the family. Which is really nice to hear. It's nice to know that my family doesn't hate my boyfriend, which is good because it's like... ok, yeah, I'm not making a mistake. We can make this work.

Which isn't to say my Dad doesn't like him, he does, he just thinks we should wait.

My nephew is now officially adorable. Even if he makes a lot of noise. To be expected. he's only like four months old. and with that I have to sign off. Ciao

I have yet to decide if my mood changes to match the weather, or if the weather just senses that I'd be better off having matching weather.

A deep misty fog covers all of Murfreesboro right now. Corporeal confusion winding it's way into every nook and corner, reaching out with it's cold clammy hands leaving dripping cold fingerprints upon everything it touches.

I am beginning to not like Christmas very much. It has always been my favorite time of year. but it seems the last couple of years this time of year has been nothing but stress and turmoil, reevaluating, tension, and that Spiritual learning that Starts now but you just don't get until about the same time next year.

And I hate it.

I hate confusion. HATE it HATE HATE hate hate LOOOOOATHE. And to make it worse, stuff like this always happens when I think that personally my life is going on the right track. And then it's like a sucker punch to the gut.

Perhaps though my personal mists of confusion will vanish with the rising sun. One can hope right?

Finals week. Nuff said. I do get to go home on Wednesday though and see my family.
I'm excited about that. I'm taking Mo Shearc with me. (hope I don't kill him.... :D)

What the World Puts On

So Sunday me and Mo Shearc were listening to a message form Dr. Adrian Rogers, and he was talking about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and the spirit of the Anti-Christ.
and he said something that caught my attention.

When the unbending three were cast into the fire and good ole' King Nebby looked into the furnace and saw them walking about freely because their binding ropes had been burned off, he was amazed. (not to mention that there were FOUR in the fire, not three... but on with the point) When 'rach, 'shach, and 'nego came out their clothes weren't singed and they didn't even smell of smoke.

And then Dr. Rogers said, "The fire only burned off of them what the World put on them."

Wow.

That is what happens to us in the metaphorical sense. Christ only burns away from us, those things the World has put on us. (or things we've let the World put on us.)

Which is great! Except when those things that the World has put on us are things we enjoy and like, and then it feels like the Fire is burning us.

I mean the World doesn't literally bind us in ropes and shove us into fires, but it does, through our allowance, bind and bog us down in sin and unhealthy habits. Which in turn causes the refining Fires to bring us into a reflection of Christ.

I know that I, and those around me, sometimes feel that God is attacking and trying to change who we are and that causes us great pain. But really He is burning away all that is not us, so that we can be who we truly are, and who we are meant to be.

The fires aren't meant to change us into someone else, but meant to burn away all that we've accumulated that keeps us from being who we really are and who we are truly meant to be.

So I finished my mini-project 2 for my advertising class. Turning it in later today with no time to fix it and reprint it. Which is a shame considering I misspelled 'avocados' (how did I do that?) oh and 'exercise'(uh what?) also I don't like the Jackson Pollock one. But I don't have time to find another font. Oh well.

Mo Shearc is sick. I think it might be progressing into bronchitis, much to his chagrin. Unfortunately I get bronchitis all the time, so I don't understand why he's so heavily opposed to the fact that he probably has it. It's not fun, but as long as you catch it in time it's not horrible either. It's only if it gets way down deep into the lungs and is almost Pneumonia that sucks. (trust me i know... loooooong story)

Mom's white blood cell count is down. Her rheumatologist said it's nothing to worry about, but she has to go back in December to have blood drawn to see if they need to drop her dosage of Methotrexate. (My mom as Rheumatoid Arthritis)

And it's time for class, I'll write again!

Quotes for today

I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits.
- David Hoselton

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
- Albert Camus

I liked these two. So true. On both accounts. The first one reminded me of House.

A few thoughts on Notes Circulating on Facebook.

I recently came across this note on Facebook.

Who am I??

I was raised in one country but my father was born in another. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with a number of women.

I became very close to my mother because my father showed
little interest in me. Then my mother died at an early age from cancer.
Later in life, questions arose over my real name. My birth records were
sketchy and no one was able to produce a reliable birth certificate.

I grow up practicing one faith, but converted to
Christianity because this was widely accepted in my country. But I
practiced non-traditional beliefs and did not follow mainstream Christianity.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear
to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my
father abandoned me as a child.

I became active in local politics when I was in my 30s and then burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office when I
was in my 40s. I had a virtually non-existent resume, very little work
history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful
speaker who managed to draw incredibly large crowds during my public appearances.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy. I was critical of my country in the last war. But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy. I had a plan on how we could do better. I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess.

Mine was a peoples’ campaign. I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support. I offered the people the hope that together we could change our country and the world.

I spoke on behalf of the downtrodden including persecuted minorities such as Jews, but my actual views were not widely known until after I became my nations leader. However, anyone could have easily learned what I really believed if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. But they did not.

Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.
Who am I?

Answer: ADOLPH HITLER

This isn't the first such email/note/et cetera I have seen dealing with some seen similarities between Obama and Hitler.

Now I did not vote for Obama, and I personally don't like him, nor think he is the right man for the job. No it isn't because he's black, or has Islamic backgrounds or any other racial reason anyone can think of.

Plain and simple. I don't agree with him on several issues, and I'm not sure the experience needed is there. But hey, that could actually work to his advantage. Who knows.

The point is, while I didn't vote for him, and don't care for his politics personally, He is the President Elect. I will respect him because of his position, and support him as President. Doesn't mean I have to agree with him, but as President he does deserve respect.

Now for these notes. Really? Yes I dislike him, and yes I don't think he's the right man for the job, sure maybe there are some similarities to his upbringing and Hitlers, but it is seriously uncalled for to imply that because of some similarities that he will be like Hitler. Or that he will become a dictator, or any other such thing.

That's like saying all whites hate blacks. That all blacks are undereducated and have chips on their shoulders. That if you are from the South your family owned slaves. Or that if your Jewish you are rich and hate pretty much everyone, that if you look Arabic and follow the Islamic religion you are a terrorist.

Just because some one shares a few similarities with another person doesn't mean that they will follow the same course. Obama is not Hitler, therefore as a unique individual he can make his own decisions, based on his own thought patterns, which are invariably not the same as Hitlers.

And while this particular note didn't mention Obama explicitly, it is obvious it was implied (also knowing the person who posted it helps)

All in all, I think, nay, I know, it is childish.

And this isn't just from Conservatives. Both sides behave similarly when someone they don't like is elected.

Give the man some respect, whether you like him or not, he is the President, and after all, the office should still have some sanctity attached to it.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
- Jack Handey


MUAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA

oh that made my day. So true. We would. We extol that very pacifistic virtue, but being shown a world like that, we (in general, not specifically) most certainly would find something we thought we could make better and only be able to do by conquering them.

--30--

As promised DandD and Starbucks

So, I'm an advertising major. So I try to follow the advertising news. AdAge.com is a great site.

They had an article on the new trend in bashing your competition.

I've Seen other things dealing with Dunkin Donuts and their bragging about beating Starbucks in a taste test.

Which is cool, and all. But it's like they expect this to attract more people to buy their coffee. As A Starbucks Barista, Dunkin is leaving at one of the key attractions of Starbucks coffee.

Yes I agree Starbucks is overpriced. But at the same time, Starbucks isn't just about the coffee. It's the atmosphere. (which I agree most of the time the store set up could be a bit more cozy.)

It's a place where regular costumers are known by name, face, and/or drink, and we talk and have fun and ask you about your life.

Also as the company has a low turnover rate, it allows us to be consistent in employees, meaning much easier to make a personal connection with customers.

I have made, not only friends and acquaintances from my customer at my store, I'm also seriously dating one of them.

Dunkin Donuts doesn't offer that connection, coziness or "third place" mentality that Starbucks does.

Which is part of the reason people keep coming back for our coffee.

Oh and also? The taste test commercials? most often only show you what the advertiser wants you to see. Which isn't to say that people don't prefer Dunkin Donuts coffee, just that take them with a grain of salt.

--30--

Remind me to blog about DD vs. Bucks. I have a few things to say

--30--

JEzze people. Seriously? if you have an issue with me, come and TALK to ME, in a calm, clear, logical manner, and I'll more than Happily either a) discuss it with you or b) come to a compromise.


I'm not a illogical warmongering bastard who is looking for a fight.

--30--

Today's Thought for the day:

Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful.
- Samuel Johnson

Life = Epic Fail.

that is all

--30--

Sometimes, life sucks.

Hands you lemons so to speak.

And sometimes you can't make lemonade, so you just have to drink the juice and smile.

You can't get bitter about it, that serves no purpose. After all, that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes and if it didn't we'd be spoiled brats.

The good news is, that the lemon juice is great for your skin/hair and the cookie crumbles will go great with icecream.

So logically the best thing to do is, give yourself a facial and eat some icecream, and ride out the suckiness til there is that GREAT day that makes up for all the sucky ones.

--30--

I have decided I am very tired.

This in turn has made me very upset, over trivial things, which means I'll put it out of my head eventually which will of course make me feel better but only after I've had some sleep.

And mostly I feel frustrated. Because I'm having to write this paper, that I theoretically don't need to write, but feel expected to write (yes I said expected. And you know very well that I always strive to live up to certain expectations.) And really all I want to do is sleep.

So there.
--30--

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
Olin Miller

*laugs*

It is so true. ANd the sad thing is most people care vastly to much what people think, when in reality you aren't important enough for most people to think about.

Of course there are always those friends who do think about you, but if they are true friends, with a few exceptions, it won't matter what you do or how you dress or where you shop so long as you remain true to who you are.
--30--

The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
- Daniel Webster


Smart man.

Who needs red pills anyways?

I'l write more later as pertaining to vacation, life, babies, and first week of school. i'm headed for a nap.

--30--

Hello fellow wanderers, I'm writing from Delaware!

Vacation is turning out to be a blast. Mo Shearc keeps us busy, he's slightly regretful of it, but I don't mind at all, it has been great fun meeting all of his friends and getting to see him around friends he's had all his life, his parents are fun, very sweet.

It has been a growing and learning experience as well, for me. Maybe not so much growing/learning new things, but having them hit home, you know? You know how you hear something your whole life and it just takes the right moment and circumstances for it to just make sense, yeah, that.

I like who I am when I am around M.S. he makes me want to be better, to be the best, not just for myself but for him.


Schools just around the corner, I like my courses this semester, my schedual, while not prime, isn't bad, friday classes.... bleh... but it is a small price to pay for the rest of the sweetness of schedual.

I am out people I have people to help places to be

--30--

To know.... is not divine?

My dear readers, I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. Mostly my fault as while I have had much to write about, even in this medium of relative anonymity I find it difficult to express my self on certain subjects, mostly personal, to those I know do read this blog on occasion.

For the first time in my life, I just don't know. And it scares me to death. I LIKE knowing, what's just one step ahead, what's going to happen, where i'm going. I thrive on knowledge.

But I can also see (now, not a few weeks ago though) how this is good for me. I may have no idea what I am doing with my life, and I'm scared to death I may never achieve whatever it I would like to, even long to achieve, but it's ok.

I know, I know, you may now stop looking at the screen like I've lost my mind. I mean... I may have lost it... but that is moot, as that would probably require me having one to begin with.

It's ok, because my dependence on knowledge and my manic need to know hinders what Christ want's to do in my life. I don't like it. It's not comfortable for me, and I'll probably still fight it in some realms. (cough Mo Shearc cough) but I'm going to try, and that in and of itself is a big step for me.

--30--

Bleh. That is how I feel today. Bleh bleh bleh. double bleh.

And I'm not fond of it. just so you know.


Sometimes I just want a break from life.

Vacation time from life? Why yes, i think i've accrued several weeks in my life can i take them now?

--30--

I'm sick of people (most people; people who have been given the link to his blog from me directly are immune to the sickness, you have been inoculated.)

I'm sick of drama people cause. Particularly when it's drama that they cause by being asinine idiots who have their heads so far stuck up their asses that it isn't even funny.

Here's a tip for the world, use it well, it'll make not only your life easier, but inevitably cause you to get along with a greater number of people more of the time; ready? it's really big....

Here it is: 1) The world doesn't revolve around you, 2) Odds are, in most people's circle of consciousness, you don't even register as a blip.

So it's true. You aren't that important to people. Yes there are people who love you and want to be around you, but I swear if you learn not to think so much about yourself ALL the time, they'd like to be around you more. That is all.

-30--

I'm feeling very Paul-like right now.


such is life. Troughs and Highs.

Sometimes I wonder if life get's easier. It seems to, but i think we just go on Autopilot more and more, or just ignore things more often than we should.

Probably out of self preservation I would guess, and i've yet to decide how I feel about that.

Ignoring things is choosing to not face reality. And if we don't face reality then we are avoiding the real and living in a fantasy world. And isn't that more detrimental than facing things?

I dont' know I"m just in a a weird mood. I probably need more sleep.

--30--

Starbucks

I realized that i don't spend a lot time at the 'bucks when i'm not working. and I should. I've thoroughly enjoyed my time here this morning. I forget that it really is a good place to meet friends and hang out.

I think I should come more often.

--30--

Life is so confusing and sometimes it sucks.

But it always gets better. I think...

I actually have a lot I want to write about and spill out... but I'm not sure were to begin, so I think it'll have to wait til I can't sort out what's going on inside my head right now.

Way overdue for an update.

and sadly I don't have much time for one. More's the pity. Memphis was great I really enjoyed the week with the family (although I didn't get to see them nearly enough. dumb work and such) and D2.

A lot more stuff happened that I'll write about later.

-30-

*sighs happily* D2 is really quite perfect. If he knew half of it he'd probably argue to me to death. TO DEATH!

So he planned a splendid date tonight. We started at a hotel (the first time he ever took his girlfriend to a hotel) and walked around Opry Mills Hotel together, just enjoying the 'river' and waterfalls and general ambiance. And then we drove to Virago and had dinner. And it was fun!

He looked quiet dashing.

After that we drove back and sat in a parking lot and just talked. He was very open and honest with me, and I appreciated it greatly, I know how hard it is for him to do that sometimes. (most of the time) And it was just nice, and relaxing, and I completely enjoyed it.

I respect and enjoy him so much. I don't think he even knows! He's just so dang soothing and relaxing. I can't help it. I just like being around him. Like I can be so wound up and tense and uptight and having a horrible day, but then just seeing him and being around him totally relaxes me.

Sometimes I pray... no you know I'll tell you that one another day i think.

Sometimes I feel bad cause I think i'm doing all the talking, and he just has to interrupt me, but I dunno. i'm rambling I should go to bed... I think I will right more later

~E

--30--

Seriously. I don't know what do. No matter what I do it's not helping. And SW's telling everyone but the one person she needs to be talking to.

I'm need more sleep me thinks.

Crap.

that's all.

Crap.

*facepalm* I'm pretty sure that's today... all freaking day
~E

Yeah I'm still laughing about the whole 'kids' thing. Oh D2 you make me laugh. Seriously? *shakes head* yeah that's not a conversation I'm even gonna think about bring up for a good while. But you're way adorkable, and I'm totally okay with you panicking about that. I'm pretty sure you should panic if I brought that up right now. And I'm pretty sure you should slap me upside the back of my head if I do/did.


And yeah. The Cookies? *facepalm* not even. KC, you're dumb. Please try to fix that.

Yeah... no I'm not even gonna attempt to even dictate what I'm thinking/feeling right now.

They're crazy. How can you not smell massively burnt cookies that are still cooking?

And now it's ok to leave windows open? Why is it suddenly safer? seriously?

~E

--30--

The Sweetest Thing

Hmmm where to start.

I'm pretty sure I've talked it all out this time around, and I've been much to busy to have an epiphany... well cept when I was talking to Babers today.

So to update the world this was this weekend, talked with SW about some stuff that has been bugging her, the talk is summed up as follows:

She doesn't hate the D2,cause she doesn't know him, "you can't hate some one you don't know" she "resents him" (but you can't get to know someone you can't spend five minutes around with out blowing up and storming off.) (even though I've heard her say, "i don't like D2, at all." but whatever. She didn't explain that anymore, and I didn't ask.

She's not jealous of me. She's happy for me. He makes me happy. She does want to hear about him, but just not in the vomit way, and 'face' is literally ready to physically vomit on me. (I'm sorry? you're happy for me, but I have to censor how I talk about chunky? Somehow I'm not seeing how that's being a good friend) And I realize that happy for me doesn't mean she wants to hear about it all the time, which is why I try not to flaunt it (so to speak) in her face. I know what it's like to be the one that everyone has some one and is happy and you don't.

I apparently act like 16 year old with her first boyfriend around her, and am totally following my gut instincts. To which I can only roll my eyes and say, if she only knew how many times my gut saying "oh go for this!" and I choose not to take an action. Yes I know I act quite childlike and giddy with D2. But that's part of my personality that i don't feel I can be like with most people, well the giddy. I'm always childlike. And Everything within me wanted to be "SW, if this ends in the goal that both of us are heading towards (barring the fact that God's will may be shown to be something different) and we get married, then it's only gonna get worse. you know that right?" but I didn't.

And my personal favorite! She doesn't like being around D2 because I act like a bitch when I'm around him. I honestly have been going through the times we've been around each other all together, and the only thing I've come up with is... I sit with him, and he puts his arm around me, so I'm not sitting with them. But that could be just cause I'm in the situation and I can't see it. So do I? Act like a bitch I mean?

She says she knows it's because it's new and I'm still trying to impress the boyfriend, and make him like me more, so I don't want him around other girls because I'm being protective and what not

Uh what? I know he likes me just the way I am. And me and him have actually talked about it. I've even told him he should go talk to other girls, you know that. So on that (the bitch) one I'm honestly at a loss.

Sis thinks that maybe, perhaps (she's not sure, but she knows it's this way with her and face and sis's bf.) that maybe SW says things towards D2 that are on the mean side that could be taken playfully, but since I know she doesn't like him, I get defensive and snap at her. Which I suppose is a possibility, but again I can't think of anything, since most of the time... she just kinda ignores him.

Oh and she feels like I'm ditching my friends. may or may not be true. I know it's seemed like it this past week, since I worked so much, and it was all closes and school and such, but I was still making the effort, at least with SW, face not so much, but that's cause Of the whole Face/KC thing. SW wasn't here the start of my closing week (not this most recent weekend but the one before that) and then had things she was doing on those days and times I could do something.

So the only thing out of all of this that I could change is to tell her that I know she's used to more spontaneity, but with so much pull for my time from other people, we're just going to have to set aside a day or time each week and say from this time to this time. It's our time.

I know it's bad of me, but, I'm more inclined to not take her concerns seriously. Well as seriously, because 1) I can't see much truth in them, and 2) it's two people (well one... who tells me what the other's saying; face and SW) out of EVERYONE and I mean everyone who knows D2, knows me, has seen us together. Everyone else (including my parents) are ok with everything, and actually love him and say how perfect we are for each other.

~end of recap/pastings~

So now for my slight epiphany whilst talking Babers. She's going through a really rough time. In a small way, I understand where she is.

Any way we were talking about why for some people it's so hard and it seems trial after trial after trial. Where as other people it just falls into place (seemingly for){of course we were discussing relational issues...}

And you know it hit me then. Those who go through all the hard places and hold out through them, and wait patiently for just the right thing, when they finally get it, it will be infinitely sweeter to them, than anything that those who seemingly have everything fall into place.

So, Babers, hold out for it. Don't settle. I love you more than I could ever say, and don't worry, I've got one end of the net, in case you fall off the trapeze. HE holds the other, and He'll never leave nor forsake you, and I'll be around to help you up, and push you back out there to try it again, 'til you bet it right. :D

Crap. The one thing I was trying to avoid is happening. Why I gotta be friends with people that can't just talk online or write letters when somethings bothering them?

I don't think she's gonna be very happy with how the talk goes.... Cause I"m pretty sure that any response I have to to what she says (in the moment) she's not gonna like, so I"m just not gonna say anything. At all. Until i've had time to think about it.

She knows this. It's what I did to my marine. Whom i have been friends with longer. So why wouldn't I do it to her?

Completely frustrated and a little miffed, but mostly just sad, cause I can't see this working out well, well, well according to her and what she has in mind.

--more--

I want to curl up under a nice big blanket, and just zone. I don't really want to think about anything, do anything talk to the majority of people, nothing. That's the day it's been to day.

although i do have something good to share later.

more

So, today was... not good. Right? Right. Glad we cleared that up.

But even then God has a sense of humor and perfect timing. And He's amazing (totally thanked him for D2 today though when and what I said I'm not saying. But it was nice, a quite little moment with D2 and God.)

AND! plot bunny so back to the God stuff after this brief message.

Life is so fragile, and we forget that so often. We get caught up in everything we have to do, the 'tasks' that we think are important, that we forget to enjoy those quiet moments with God or other humans. Sometimes those quiet moments with other humans are not only gifts from God, but can be quiet times with God as well. He can use that to teach us important but subtle life lessons.

So take time to enjoy those times God gives you with other people. It may be just what you need to make it through a unseen (or seen as the occasion may come about.)

Christ realizes we are tangible people. After all He made us didn't he? As such He gives us tangible moments in which we can experience those abstract ideas. When we have something tangible to attach something abstract to, we can recall the tangible aspect of it anytime we need it, allowing us to focus on the abstract and thus enabling us to capture in some small way that abstract (like peace, contentment, joy, et cetera) when we need it most.

And now back to you regularly scheduled program.
~.~.~.~

So God. Yes. Awesome.

My devotionals this morning?

1) {I did two from a rather cheesy but still very good, "His Princess; Love Letters from Your King" inside joke from my parents} Jeremiah 1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world."
I have called you to be set apart, just as I called those who came before you. I know this calling will sometimes come with a great cost, but the eternal rewards are priceless and beyond comparison. Just as I did with Queen Esther, I have given you the ability to walk in such a way so all will see that you are divinely Mine. Some will admire you for your dedication to Me, and some will want you to fail rather than follow your lead. you may fall because you are not perfect, but your mistakes can be the tutors that make you wiser. Don't put pressure on yourself to be perfect. I'm the only one who can perfect you, My princess. All I ask is that you let Me set you apart so that I use you as a witness for the world to see

*le sigh* Sometimes I don't want to be set apart. I don't want to Be Queen Esther. But even when things are going bad, such a time as this. So i just have to 'stand in the rain' and trust God.

2)(the Killer! *pulls out knife*) Psalm 126:5 "those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."
I see how hard you try to handle your heart, and I know you want to live a life with out heartaches or pain. I'm asking you to take a step closer to your Father in heaven by crying out to Me when you hurt. Let Me heal you. Remember My chosen, King David? He cried out to Me in his fears, disappointments, and sin, and I answered. You are also My chosen one, and you are My daughter...so it's okay to cry. I don't expect you to pretend that pain is not real. It is truth and tears that will give you freedom that I want you to know. Now let go of that part of your heart that only I can heal. Let your heavenly Daddy hold you while you cry.

Not even gonna say anything about that... Anyone who knows me, knows just 1) what that really means to me, 2) why that was killer for today.err yesterday. whatever.

I think that's it for tonight. I'm sure I'll have more tomorrow.
~E

--30--

I had a bit of a realization last night.

I have to learn to trust other people better.

That is all.

I really miss my friend Babers. She hasn't been on a lot because of school, and i haven't been on a lot because of work and school. We are both at similar spots in our lives so it's nice to talk to her.

Going dress shopping with Sis today. It's gonna be fun!

--more--

And more Boyfriend news (and yes until I come up with an appropriate nickname he shall be boyfriend, and he didn't like mine... so oh well) [eta D2 it shall be]

But I have this habit of making him uncomfortable sometimes. Sometimes I don't do it on purpose, sometimes I do.

I'm not... prudish... I guess when it comes to things dealing with sex. To me it's just another subject matter, that while I may not bring up, (time and place for everything and all) But if it's brought up around me I'm not gonna shy away from it.

I guess part of it has to do with the way I was raised. I used to be that kid who thought sex was a bad word and would blush a little at the mere mention of the word.

But I finally realized, that really that wasn't God's plan. I think that to many kids raised in the church go into marriage with that mind set-- sex is bad-- and it screws them up.

That and I have brothers.

I made him really uncomfortable last night, and for that I'm sorry. But I'm even more sorry I didn't trust him. He knows what I'm talking about. I think, if not he'll ask and then he will.

--more--

I'm kinda of sick of it. that is all.

Part of me just wants to quit it. But I know I can't. I don't want to care. But I can't help myself, I do.

Why can't she just trust me? and what she knows about me? Why does she doubt my loyalty?
I shouldn't fret about it. I know I shouldn't. But I'm going to gosh darnit. Cause contrary to her opinion I do care about her.
~E

--30--

Hello again.

So I just have a few things to say.

I absolutely love who I am. Most of the time. Occasionally, occasionally one of my strengths out of balance bugs me.

Sometimes I want to change who I am. But I don't feel the freedom to do so, well not the freedom to do so, but the freedom to change the things I would like too.

And here's were I get to brag on my boy. I don't have that problem with him. He likes me for who I am, just the way I am. That! gives me the freedom to be better, my best. Not only gives me the freedom, but makes me desire to be the best that I can be.

And here's were I correlate that.

I was thinking about it last night when he was over. Well mostly the bragging part not the correlation, the correlation came during sleep/this morning.

That's exactly how Christ is and wants us to be with Him. He loves and accepts us exactly as we are. That is so freeing, but most people miss it, because they get so caught up in His perfectness that they feel intimidated and feel they have to be perfect instantaneously. But that isn't true. HE LOVES us the way we are. But He Loves us to much to leave us the way we are. Because of that acceptance we have the freedom to change as things that aren't healthy for us, or perhaps aren't us at our best are brought to light.

And I have a lot more to write about. And I will but lunch calls so until then.

--more--

So D2 came over last night and we read together some. It was nice; he's way cute and awkward sometimes. I like it.

I don't know if he knows I noticed but he was tracing his initials into my leg last night. It was tres cute.

He also said something about how I had to go and ruin it, he had almost got it were he could play with my hand and me not play back.

What he doesn't know... but he does now... skank ... is that it was pretty much only cause I was sleepy and quite content.

It's odd really. I was listening to Casting Crown's 'The Voice of Truth' the other day and it just really hit me, that sometimes I do wish to "step out of my comfort zone/into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is/and He's holding out his hand."

I have wished that for a long while. And when I'm not with D2, sometimes it scares me how much it is the unknown, and I don't know what I'm doing. It's those times that Christ is just like, 'trust me. I have a plan'

On the flip side when I am around him (both the boy and Christ, for the two are mutual in many ways.) It's just... comfortable. I don't really think about any thing like that.

D2 makes me happy; anyone can pretty much see that. He makes me happy for one of the main reasons, he truly and honestly want God first in both our lives. Which takes the pressure off of both of us so much.

It makes me laugh, though that everyone keeps cautioning me that it might not work out. I laugh, not because what they say is invalid, but that I know this. I tell people this.

And here's the thing. Yes I know that if we don't work out, then yes, it'll hurt, for both of us. But I can rest assured in knowing that even if it hurts for a little while, I will be ok, as will he, because 1) we are both seeking God's Will in all of this. 2)that means that we weren't God's Will for each other, but that the time we did get to spend together was. And because of that. We both want to be edifying and help grow the other.

D2 does. He forces me to attempt things (and keep attempting) that I may think I can't do.

This is gonna come as a shock to those that know me. But I'm really a shy person. Particularly in areas or situations that are new to me, or in which I don't know what is expected of me. I'd prefer to sit back and observe til I am comfortable, but my Boy says "uh yeah, no. Go do it."

Sometimes that's exactly what I need.

In other news!

Nothing big planned this weekend. Chilling with my friends and boyfriend, monday there's a concert in the works (oh switchfoot! and third day! i love thee!)

I haven't talked to my parents in a bit. it's been crazy busy this week. Closing everynight. I need to call my dad tonight at some point.

My sisters baby shower date was set. I'm uber cited. Hope it's a boy. I'll write more later.
~E --30--

Let me just start by saying, I am so happy.

Things are finally looking up and I can see God's hand all over it.

The best thing would have to be the recent development of I got a boyfriend. And he's fantastic. He truly seeks after God in the little things, and we are so often (to be read most of the time) on the same page on most things.

Now, to the downside of this.

My friend, SW. can't seem to handle it. She truly is a dear friend, even though we share differing religious views.

She doesn't like D2 at all, even though he's an amazing man. Even my parents like him, and my Dad's not keen on boys that date his daughters.

To the point of, me even mentioning his name, causes her to go into tensile mood. Which is quite counter to her previous statement of " I want you to be able to talk to me about him."

Now I know that 1) she's not on the same wavelength as far as spiritual matters goes, so she can't really comprehend that aspect of mine and D2's relationship. 2) she's slightly jealous of the fact I have a fantastic guy in my life. (For whom I thank Christ for often) 3) she's afraid this will change our relationship for the worse.

I can't argue that. I mean relationships change everyday, not all changes are bad, though. And Mine and SW's will change but I'm not going cut her out of my life. In fact, I make every attempt to make time to see her, she seems to be the one that doesn't want to see me.

write more later. CLass is out

--30--